The lesser striped Traffic Warden. Also referred to as a parking enforcement officer, civil enforcement attendant or oi, you, yes you, you bastard with the ticket.
In local boroughs across the United Kingdom, these scuttling figures in officious looking rain jackets (of which they have an unnerving habit of waring even during the most intense of heatwaves), patrol our streets with the sole intent to glean the last milliliter of milk from the cash cow that is comprised of Britain's motorists.
Often seen as a lone predator, traffic wardens often hunt in packs of twos. Nobody is quite sure why, in fact, few people are quite sure why they are there in the first place.
It is perfectly reasonable to see these dedicated career people as assets to local governments, raking in fines from deviant motorists who apparently live above the law.
Information from the government's careers advice website states that the expected salary of a traffic warden is between £18,200 and £22,000 per annum. This is a figure which personally disgusts me.
This is an excerpt from the job description on the aforementioned website: 'You would usually work a shift system, including weekends, between 6.30am and 8pm.
You would spend most of the day working outdoors in all weather conditions, and in the dust, noise and fumes of traffic. You may work in a different location each day. You would wear a uniform and be equipped with a personal radio in case of emergency. On occasion, you may face hostility from the public.'
Sounds like a fantastic career opportunity, doesn't it? Considering an able young man could join the armed forces and begin on £16,000 a year. The truth is that traffic wardens are being paid more than our front line soldiers in war-zones.
"It is possible that junior ranks could earn below the national minimum wage if they consistently worked 55 hours and above (aged 22 and over) or 65 hours and above (aged between 18 and 21). There are few if any working weeks as short as 55 or 65 hours on the front line" (Taken from the most recent Armed Forces Pay Review).
A soldier on a wage given one year after training earns £32.94 per day, and if on an active operation, receives a £6.02 allowance per day.
Given the nature of conflict, a standard working day for infantry will be at least 16 hours. That equates to £2.83 per hour.
Why on earth do traffic wardens exist? Was there a time before when nobody was petty enough to suggest the law instigate guardians of the double yellow lines? Does nobody see what a waste of time and money these people are, who I often see walking in twosomes (just think, how many people are needed to do the job?), and why oh why can we not invest public money in some other, more fresh hair-brained scheme.
For these reasons, and many more personal ones, I proudly give the finger to any form of parking enforcement whenever I drive past in my 1.6 liter threat to their livelihood.
